i'd be lying if i said i think about you all the time because sometimes i'm thinking about her.

i know it didn't have anything to do with her. even if you did what i think you did, which was her, i wouldn't be able to blame her. if it had been me, i would've done the same thing for you.

but i hate her because you always loved her and not me.

i couldn't sleep last night, so i was watching tv in the dark the way we used to... saw that commercial that always made us laugh. i smiled and cried a little bit.

i still think so fondly of you.

i might never tell you, because we might never speak again... but some of my best memories are with you. as much as it hurts now, i wouldn't have traded my time with you for anything in the world.

it's been about a month since the incedent, but it still hurts like it happened yesterday.

i've been thinking about so many things lately...

i almost don't know where to begin sorting out my thoughts.

i really feel as though i've lost my mind and i absolutely hate feeling like i'm just another girl who went crazy over him.

when i said i trusted him, i lied.

it's like i knew he was going to decieve me. i was only waiting for it to happen, looking for the clues so i could try to get out before i got hurt.

and it makes me wonder if everything that i think happened, really happened.

it keeps me up at night when i'm laying in bed without him.

i wonder if i pieced together a deception that didn't exist outside of my demented imagination in order to fulfill my expectations.

i realize that this method of self-defense was something that i developed over time, out of necessity. this is the result of my evolution.

or perhaps i'm just protecting myself from the truth.

i'm not sure what that is.

but, maybe he didn't cheat on me - maybe he lost interest.

of course i didn't want to assume that he just lost interest... because that would mean that i was the one with the problem. i couldn't blame anyone if he just didn't want me.

i could go on forever, but i know that it doesn't really matter who's to blame...

it's already over.

i went out tonight... just for a change of scenery.

i think i saw a shooting star. i wasn't sure, but just in cases, i wished for you.

why haven't you called?

i still miss you.

the last time it rained like this, you were with me.

i can't smell you on my pillows anymore,
but you're still on my mind.

i miss you like crazy.